Posted by: ourlifewithmpd | July 2, 2015

Article I just ran across …

Good article:

6 Steps You Can Take To Start Healing From Trauma Right Now

Working with survivors has taught me that there are 6 foundational steps to begin the journey of recovery from trauma …

Posted by: ourlifewithmpd | April 18, 2015

Does everyone feel like this?

Posted by: ourlifewithmpd | April 1, 2015

So what I got out of this course …

The class I was taking is over with, and I thought I’d share with you some of the things I’ve learned and gotten …

  • I’m pretty sure I had some sort of anxiety disorder before I started this thing.
    • I don’t wake up with anxiety any more most days, and if I do, I know exactly what to do about it 🙂
    • I react to things calmly, without getting stressed out by every little thing
    • I don’t feel like I have to defend myself or have opinions on every little thing
    • I don’t feel paranoid about the world or the economy or my neighbors or all the things I used to feel paranoid about
    • I don’t feel scared all the time like I used to
    • I feel positive more than I do negative
  • For the first time, my others have worked together to help me
  • I’ve had a lot of insights lately
    • in my character
    • in my past in general
    • more as to the nature of what specifically happened
  • I lost some weight (like 8 pounds, which blasted through a weight loss plateau I’d had for two years or more) without trying to or stressing/freaking out about losing or not losing (more insights there. Note: I am overweight by about 30 pounds, not anorexic — if you’re anorexic and looking to “lose weight” you won’t find help here, but you might decide losing weight isn’t what you really wanted)
  • I know now how to get rid of the things I see as limiting me and instead take on more constructive thoughts and behaviors
  • I can use the negatives such as fear, guilt, unworthy feelings, hurt feelings and anger as tools which help me rather than things to overcome. This was huge for me.
  • My physical health is much better than it was before
  • I feel better than I ever have
  • I know what I want out of my life and I’m getting to a definite plan to get there. And if I get stuck, I have several ways to get unstuck, one of which I haven’t even tried much yet.

So do I think this was worth it? Hell yeah. It was a tough six months but not anything as difficult as the 52 years prior to it 😉

I feel like I can do just about anything now.

I’m not saying all this to sell you on it, although if you did want to take the class I’d be happy for you. I have felt like I needed to write all this down, so I could see it in print. Does that make any sense? And this seemed as good a place as any to write it down, since you know what a mess I was before. LOL

So yay!

Posted by: ourlifewithmpd | March 7, 2015

So is it for real this time?

Things have been going about as well as they usually do, but I feel as if the trend is in a positive direction.

For example, I’ve been switching a lot but each time someone has been out for a longer time, and I actually remember some of it. Seems Michelle had an extended conversation with my husband that didn’t involve screaming or cursing (a minor miracle).

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately, and making plans in regard to actually doing something with my life on a long term basis.

You see, I’ve come to the conclusion that for most of my life, I’ve been a fairly crappy unreliable person, especially in the past 15 years — through no real fault of my own, but the facts are the facts.

The problem with being a crappy unreliable person for most of your life (for whatever reason) is that when you begin to change and actual do something with your life that is more permanent, people don’t believe you.

Oh, yeah, they say, that’s cool. But what they’re thinking (and you can read it on their faces) is: okay now how many times have I heard that this new thing will be awesome? Six months from now she won’t even remember she told me about this.

Which I accept. But it does make it difficult to get any traction or support around it.

But it’s all cool. As far as they know, I’ll let them down again, like I did all the times before. I don’t know that I would trust me either.

The proof, they say, is in the pudding.

Posted by: ourlifewithmpd | February 19, 2015

The problem with being multiple

The problem with being multiple is that when you want to make a change to your life, you have to persuade everyone else (inside) that it’s a good thing. 🙂

Posted by: ourlifewithmpd | January 21, 2015

It’s okay to be happy

This is what I learned this week.

Things have been sort of golden bees the past week or so … and there’s been a LOT of anxiety going on, especially in the morning. But it’s a lot in the sense of how often it happens, not how much there is at one time. So I think overall it’s better than it was.

Anyway, I’m still working my way along. Hope all of you are doing ok.

Posted by: ourlifewithmpd | January 4, 2015


I had an interesting insight this week. For my MKMMA class exercise this week, we were supposed to think about harmony.

Now, harmony is an interesting thing for me, having a music background I immediately thought of multiple notes together coming to make something bigger and better. And as you might think, I find the concept amusing and meaningful both.

I feel as if one of the goals we have is to become in harmony: even the word has har mo ny, three in one, making something out of parts which aren’t whole without each other. In the past, things have been like an orchestra where each person is playing a different song, sort of like that part at the beginning where everyone is tuning up. What I would like is for us all to work together to make one song, something that we all want and can get behind.

There are organs that make all sorts of orchestral sounds, and one person can play and sound like an orchestra (I have a friend who plays the organ for his church) … but this is where the analogy breaks down. At present it is more like 50 people trying to play the organ, shoving each other out of the way. Or rather, I suppose, 16 (they were saying 12 this morning but I’m thinking it was just some trying to hide). They have been very quiet these past few weeks due to the holidays I think.

But I really do want harmony in my life. I feel as if things will not improve until this happens, because internal discord just doesn’t work when you’re trying to deal with the real world in a professional manner.

Posted by: ourlifewithmpd | December 18, 2014

things are getting better …

For the first time I am actually happy during the holidays. No flashbacks, no depression, I feel happy. I smile at people. I’m not irritated when others are impatient or kids scream or that sort of thing. I lost six pounds without even trying, and for once, I’m not in a terrified freaking out stuffing my face binge because of it.

It’s really amazing.

I think that some of you might actually do okay on this MKMMA thing. I was thinking about this last night, and I think if you:

  • are co-conscious with at least one of your alters (the more the better — you will need their help to do this)
  • don’t have problems with being kicked out of forums all the time (in other words, your protectors and littles are under wraps online) — this is super important
  • have basic control of your body (you aren’t waking up somewhere not knowing how you got there, for example)
  • aren’t self-harming or suicidal
  • are away from your abusers or any other controlling people (they will try to influence you to quit, because you will be learning to think for yourself)
  • have at least one person who is supportive, such as a partner, therapist, friend, etc.

Then you should do okay.

These people are not therapists and frankly I’m not sure if they even believe our diagnosis. It doesn’t matter to me because I’m used to that attitude and I have survived worse but if you have to have everyone say that they believe your diagnosis, what happened to you, etc for you not to be triggered then you probably won’t do well.

Something that we’re doing that I think would really help you even if you don’t feel like the big class is for you would be the 7-Day Mental Diet. I’m finding it really helpful, and if you want to try it you can click on the link and fill out the form. It’s basically a file to download and read, and some tips and encouragement for your week.

I found it so useful that I’m still doing it even though the seven days have passed.

Anyway, if you’re feeling bad because of the holidays you might try that and see if it helps.

Posted by: ourlifewithmpd | December 12, 2014

Kind of left you hanging there …

Sorry about that.

I did not get kicked out; the problem was a miscommunication between my guides and I because I misinterpreted something they said, which they kept repeating. And I didn’t know I had the option of talking to them on the phone.

So I talked to them on the phone and it was okay.

But something interesting happened: Pam wrote an email.

And I found out that Pam does not do anything. She makes sure things get done.

So for her to actually communicate with the outside world must have meant that things were all going to hell inside and she felt it important enough that we not be kicked out to take action.

I don’t actually remember much, just that things were going all to hell inside.

My littles are still convinced that people there hate us because no one ever replied to the email, but oh well.

Some of my system were very upset this morning because they think we’re wasting our time on this and nothing will come of it. I think they’re scared things actually will change … 🙂

But I got some insights as to what does need changing, so it was good.

Posted by: ourlifewithmpd | November 19, 2014

Uncertainty and loss

« Newer Posts - Older Posts »