Posted by: ourlifewithmpd | May 22, 2010

Figuring out boundaries

I think a lot of us find boundaries difficult. Seeing as they were violated in every way by our abusers, it isn’t too surprising.

Case in point: my grown daughter wanted me to go with her to the DMV at the last minute. It meant getting up at 6 am, and violated another boundary I had already set, which was that I wasn’t going there again with her unless she had an appointment (which she didn’t). But my immediate reaction was to say yes, because I’ve been trained by my abusers to say yes to any request, no matter what it is.

So I began feeling angry. Anger is a good sign that something isn’t right. And after thinking about it I realized I didn’t want to go, that it was unacceptable for her to give me so little notice, and that it was okay to say no. I think the last part was the hardest for me.

But I called her back and told her no. I could tell she was upset with me. It messed up some of her plans. I still feel guilty about it. But I guess it’s like anything difficult that you do, it gets easier the more you do it.

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